It has come to our attention that a greater-than-average
number of our students may be experimenting with self-harm. While this is a great concern, it is
important to be educated about the different reasons, causes, and outcomes of
self-harm before choosing a course of action when addressing this with your
child.
Why Would A Child
Self-Harm?
1.
Significant emotional distress (less common)
2.
Attention-seeking, risk-taking behavior among
peer groups. Sometimes described as a
temporary ‘fad’ or ‘trend’ among adolescents. (seemingly the current trend)
As a Parent, What
Should I Do?
1.
Set aside
a time to have an honest, direct conversation with your child. Ask questions such as:
a. Self-harm
is something I’ve heard about with kids your age….have you heard about it?
b. Have
you heard of any kids who have tried this?
Why do you think they did it?
c. Have
you ever thought about or tried harming yourself? (If the answer is yes, please continue
reading to the article on how to help a child who self-harms.)
2.
Know what your child is doing online. It is not an invasion of their privacy to ask
them what they are doing, seeing and saying through social media. (There have been Twitter and Instagram
accounts created that are dedicated to self-harm.)
3.
If you’re not familiar with ‘ask.fm’, Google it.
My Child is
Responsible, Has Good Friends, and Seems Happy.
I Don’t Have to Worry.
1. When you have a middle school student, you can
never assume you don’t have to worry.
Talk to them.
2. Even
if your child is not participating, they may have heard of others who
have. They may have questions or
concerns they want to talk with you about but don’t know how to bring it up.
Who Do I Contact?
1.
If you are not sure how to proceed, you can always contact the school
counselor, Mrs. Grieves, to ask for resources.
2. Other resources include your
child’s pediatrician or mental health provider.
If your child does not currently see a mental health provider but you
believe they maybe should, please contact Mrs. Grieves for resources in the
area.
What is The School
Doing about This?
1. We are beginning
by informing you, the parents, in hopes that you will talk with your children.
2. Mrs. Grieves,
school counselor, will talk with every child whose name she specifically
receives.
3. If it is believed
that a child is self-harming, Mrs. Grieves will work with the child to
communicate with his/her guardians and seek help.
If you believe your
child may be self-harming for deeper reasons, please continue reading the article
“Understanding Self-Harm”.
______________________________________________________________________________
UNDERSTANDING
SELF-HARM
DEFINITION: Self-harm is the causing of physical pain in
the form of cutting, burning, peeling or otherwise damaging the body. (Abusing medication (not for the intent of
suicide) and excessive piercings and tattoos can also be considered self-harm
when done for the purpose of numbing or seeking pain).
3 REASONS WHY:
1.
The body’s
natural reaction to pain is the release of endorphins. When a person is feeling anxiety, sadness, or
loneliness they may harm themselves causing a release of endorphins thus creating
a temporary sense of calm and relaxation.
2.
People who
have suffered trauma or significant physical/emotional abuse can begin to feel
‘numb’ to any emotion. Causing physical
pain is a way to ‘feel something.’
3.
People who
suffer deep feelings of guilt or anger will sometimes self-harm as a punishment
they believe they deserve.
SELF-HARM is NOT the same as
Suicide: Research shows that people who
self-harm are not interested in ending their lives. In fact, they use self-harm as a coping
mechanism. However, if the deeper
feelings leading to the self-harm are not addressed these feelings could lead
to suicidal ideation.
HOW TO HELP:
1. Above all else, let your child know you love him
and support him. Do not become angry or
accusatory.
2. Avoid the question ‘Why.’ Psychological studies show beginning a
question with the word why implies
accusation.
3. Instead, ask questions like
a. ‘How are you feeling right now?’
b. ‘What were you feeling before you harmed
yourself?’
c. ‘How did you feel after you did it?’
d. ‘Is there something going on that you’d like
to talk about?’
e.
‘How can I help?’ Before you
give advice, see what kind of support they are needing/wanting.
4. Self-harm is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Help your child brainstorm other coping
mechanisms she already uses – writing, singing, physical activity, sleeping,
hanging out with friends, talking with someone, listening to music, etc.
5.
If this is an on-going problem seek
professional support. Your school
counselor, social worker or pediatrician can provide resources.
6. Identify ‘triggers’ such as a certain
time/place, in certain situations, while listening to certain music, after
hanging out with certain people, etc.
Help your child avoid these triggers.
RESOURCES:
Information compiled by K.
Grieves, 2013
