For middle school students and parents, setting and accepting boundaries might be one of the hardest things to do. Young adolescents so badly want independence, but they don't always have the developmental maturity to handle this independence. And, often times, this area of development varies drastically from child to child. While one child might be able to handle staying at home alone for the evening, another child may not. As you consider how much to loosen the boundaries for your child, consider this...
At this age, young adolescents can often feel a bit out of control. Their bodies, emotions, thoughts, feelings and friends are all changing at a rapid pace. The safe and predictable world they once knew is not the same anymore. They, themselves, are not the same anymore. Feeling out of control can look different for all children, but many children will respond by pushing their boundaries. They may break the rules, talk back, care less about school, etc.
Children push boundaries to make sure the boundaries are still there. Keeping them safe. Keeping them in control. Children need to know that you, as their parents, will not let them go too far. If a child pushes his boundaries and finds none, he will likely feel insecure, unsure and scared. In some instances, children will continue to exhibit riskier and riskier behaviors hoping that someone will stop them eventually.
Though they may not admit it, children want and need boundaries to keep them safe. Yes, they are becoming more independent, and yes, those boundaries should loosen a little, but they should not disappear altogether. I would encourage all parents to talk to your children about how they can gain independence little by little. One step at a time.
Even though they might be taller than you, they still need you.
